Dived A Year Ago

It has been a year since we left the Philippines and moved to Sweden. I can still remember the excitement and the anticipation that filled my days leading up to the day that we flew to Stockholm. But between the tons of paperworks, expenses, and all the logistical elements of uprooting your life to a different country – the whole experience was not easy. Living in one corner of the world my whole life has brought a level of comfort that makes things around me somehow predictable. Familiarity feels good, it's cushy, but it doesn't make a good story when I'm ninety. (bars)

I know coming in that these types of life decisions have inherent challenges. I was confident that I have prepared myself, at least that's what I thought. But knowing and experiencing are two completely different things. Being in the middle of a tough situation just hits different. There were multiple times that I questioned myself whether I did the right decision of moving here or not. The first three months got to be the most challenging. The fact that we're halfway across the world from our families was something that we needed to get used to. Being around an unfamiliar language has been a challenge too. There was almost always this grumbling feeling in my stomach whenever I have to Google translate something. It is like learning how to walk for the first time.

Night after night I kept on ruminating about my decision. I had a good job back home, I live a comfortable life, and I can practically buy anything that I want. Why take it all away for something that's uncertain? What if all of this doesn't work out and I have to go back and start all over again? It is like I did a skydive but as soon as I was off the plane I wanted to go back up.

But after the first few months I figured that this is an itch that I just needed to scratch. Ultimately, I don't want to be in the late stages of my life wondering what would it be like. I eventually settled in on my core routines and returned to my baseline lifestyle. I also took it upon myself to learn Swedish as a fun challenge. I still do get a tinge of discomfort whenever I read something unfamiliar but now with a great sense of awe and curiosity.